i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
