I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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