Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
