I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
