first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
