i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize