if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
