Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
