If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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