you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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