Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
