ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just gift wrapped bread.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
