sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
