sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
