his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
