I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
