kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize