I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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