You made me cry and you don't even care
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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