Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
