I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
