Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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