I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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