That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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