i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
