problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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