her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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