so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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