ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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