Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't think brook has ever known best
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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