I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
