are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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