Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
