All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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