I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
