my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize