Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
