Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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