Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
