Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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