Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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