So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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