NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
