she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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