Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
