This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
