I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
