I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was confusing and full of hummus
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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