trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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