Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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