I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The air was thick with penises
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
