I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
