I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize