Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
