My nipple is on Facebook.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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