i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
