sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
