I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
