Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
