true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
