i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
