I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
