is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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