he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
