At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
