You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
