I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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