his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
