Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
