When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
