im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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