call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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