the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
