Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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