pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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