Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
