If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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