so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
