The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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