The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have already put on my inside pants.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
