Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
