hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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