I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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