Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
