I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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