Quick, to the slutcave!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I want is dick and wine.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
