I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
