WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
